Warning: venting post...
Okay, those of you who know me well know that I'm not usually socially awkward, but it seems like ever since we've moved to Oregon...I've become that way! Maybe I forgot how to be social! I mean, I haven't really been invited to a lot of stuff and when I was invited to things when we first got here, I was occupied with family things and trying to move into another apartment. It made socializing rough. I wonder if my saying no has made a difference...
I'm really trying to be more social. I'm wanting to go to playgroups, be part of PAVA, invite people over for dinners, throw parties for people over here...but I feel like no one really wants me around. Almost like they just put up with me. Maybe it's all in my head or I'm just really tired and not thinking straight. Whatever it is, I don't like it. That's why I'm confused with myself and don't know what my deal is. This isn't me. I don't think negative thoughts like, "sheesh, I'm boring!" "I don't think she likes me much" all the time like I have been.
My remedy is to keep trying to be more social and think positively about myself and my situations, but I just needed to vent a bit because it's really starting to drive me crazy.
I think part of the problem is that this summer was AWESOME! I loved all the girls and we all shared interests and got along great even when we saw eachother every day! I miss that.
Maybe I should be more like Chelsey and come up with a bunch of activities...it's a thought. :)
So that this post isn't completely negative, I have to say that it's really not as bad as I make it out to be...I've met a lot of cute girls that I'd like to get to know better...I enjoy spending time with new people and I've had fun...it's probably just one of those days, and I'll get over it.
7 comments:
I feel just like you do. This summer we had an awesome group of wives, it was great and ever since we got here I feel like I have no one. I know I am shy but I think I come off mean, it also doesn't help that Brooklyn doesn't like nursery so I end up in there since Richard usually works on Sunday, so I haven't even met any one in the ward and I've been here since September. I hope you the best in socializing, I know you are better at than I am. Sorry I had to vent a little too.
I DO know what you mean with Seth not wanting to go out and socialize. Travis is the same way--he is in classes all day, too, so he's around people constantly. When he isn't in class, he just wants to be home with just me and Ethan (which is a compliment of course!). However, it does take its toll on me, as I have but little adult social interaction throughout the week. I think this is the plight of many-a-mommies. I DON'T, however, think that there is anything wrong with you. I remember when I first met you in 7th grade and you were so nice! Not sure how anyone could think otherwise even 10 years later. Anyway, we live far enough apart that I am not sure we can do regular mommy groups together or anything, but if you want to have dinner sometime, we are willing! Hang in there, keep your confidence, and do your own thing. You are an awesome gal, and I am sure other girls will see that soon if they haven't already! Just let me know when you want to try to get together! I think this is a record length comment for me!
Winter is always this way for me. During the summer everyone is outside and there are fun FREE activities to do with your kids....It gets harder in the colder months but a good suggestion would be to start a playgroup. I did that last year and it was great. People even started switching off and it was fun to see people again! Try it and you will find people that feel just like you!
Ick. I hate those feelings. I'm currently in shy mode myself - we're moving soon (staying in Arizona, but changing houses), and since we'll be changing wards and everything, getting really friendly seems kind of pointless. It makes socializing way awkward. So you have my sympathies!
My advice, for what it's worth, is to just keep trying. The temptation is to give up (and we all understand!), but you won't get anywhere if you don't keep attempting to make those connections. You are a gem, Miss Sierra, and everyone around you will see it - perhaps it'll just take a few times hanging out together. Don't give up! You have a lot to offer and those ladies will be lucky to have you.
Oh, I'm so sorry. I felt the same way when I moved out to Omaha and it really stinks. I felt totally alone and it took quite a while for me to come out of my shell and make friends here. I got some good advice from a family friend a while back tho. When she was younger she was in a similar situation that we are in now. She had a husband who was in school and working and she had little ones at home. I obviously don't have kids yet, but I do have a difficult time meeting people my age since I work with all older people. She told me that when you move to a new place and are trying to make friends, you should always say yes to invitations to do things at least 5 times in a row, no matter how busy you may be or what else you have planned. After 5 times of getting together with someone, you'll have a new friend. I've found that this really works! It's hard when you really don't feel like doing anything, but if you suck it up and do it, it'll be worth it in the end. :)
Wow, I have those thoughts too...it comes and goes in phases...depending on how good my week is going...thought I would share a couple things that I TRY to do...I have not been good at any of these lately but I know they make a difference:
-Stick around after church. I am always the first to leave rs and I notice that when I have to stay for something, I end up getting into conversations with so many women in the room and I always leave feeling like I've met someone new...
-Make something for someone once a day and walk over and give it to them. I think it is so EASY to not leave the house all day. I got this from my neighbor...she is always bringing me something or other...an extra loaf of bread, a bag of chocolate...she has 5 kids and I think it is her way of socializing and reaching out to others...but what she doesn't know is I so appreciate the conversation and effort too. I am horrible at returning the favor, but I love when people come to visit just to say hi...it makes me feel needed...so I just think that is how someone else would feel if I did that to them! :)
-Get ready early for the day...I have been HORRIBLE at this...but have you ever noticed that when you have an appt at 8am or something to get you and the kid out of bed and being productive how much brighter your day is?
Like I said, these are things I am always working on because they are hard for me, but they make such a difference.
I also like Laura Doyle's book The Surrendered Wife...read it sometime when you have a few...not for the advice on men and husbands but for the chapters on the importance of socializing with other women for your own well being...I have never hated other girls trying to make an effort to get to know me..ya know?
I hope things get better this week...I totally understand this blog!
hey-so I don't think you're alone in feeling that way. Sometimes I feel like nobody wants to do things with me because I call people, ane they either say not today, which happens a lot, I feel like, or they don't answer their phones. I feel like giving up sometimes. I'll do anything with you if you ever want to do something. It's not that you're never invited-grad school is just crazy busy, and time gets away from all of us. We all need to do better at staying busy. It's not like I hang out with everyone all the time. Most of the time, I am home with my boys, and we keep busy by ourselves.
You are social, and it's nothing against you that sometimes you feel that people don't want to hang out with you. It's hard being a 1st year and getting into the groove, but it'll happen, and you are so sweet and outgoing-sometimes you just have to make the first move. Good luck-let me know if you need anything!
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