Sunday, November 20, 2011

Last Movements

It is June 20, my birthday.

I'm excited to celebrate my 25 years of life.

I'm also excited to get to see the girls again as it has been two days since my last "peek".

Porter's not too happy about being left at a sitters...again...and throws a fit that's pathetic enough to bring tears to my eyes as I drive the stressful hour to the doctor's office.

I am not a bad mom, I convince myself.

Upon arrival, I begin to calm down from my emotions and driving nerves.

"Hi Sierra!" the receptionists say as I walk in while handing me my cup and label.

It's nice to be so well-known in a doctors' office.

Saves time.

 After the usual pee donation, I dive into the book all the nurses like to joke about--The Undaunted.

I grin as I open it, hearing in my head, "The Undaunted...hmmm...Well, I would be daunted reading this very large book."

Well, I think, it's not like I don't have the time to finish it with how many doctors visits I have.

After a while, my name is called and the sweet ultrasound technician and I go to the ultrasound room in the back of the big circle of an office.

We talk about small things that aren't that important while I get all uncomfortable with my shirt up and waist-high maternity shorts down.

My quite large and rather unattractive belly protrudes with my sweet girls inside.

I try not to think about how much my belly is going to itch once we're done today like it does every other day I go to the doctor as I get the warm gel put on.

A clear view shows on the screen to my left.

I smile, recognising the figures on the screen, Hello Sweethearts.

They had been extra active on the drive over.

Probably because I was emotional.

I begin to relax as well as any pregnant woman with 30 week old twins inside can relax--which really isn't much at all.

I haven't had any problems for a couple weeks, now.

Hopefully, it stays that way for four more weeks.

I noticed the technician suddenly go silent and begin measuring a space in Baby B's heart.

Oh great, I spoke too soon.

The technician moves on and starts asking me what my plans are for my birthday, and I tell her, all the while wondering what she measured but most importantly what it meant.

She finishes, prints a few pictures and leaves the room.

I clean off, and get ready for the doctor to come in to consult while enjoying my new set of pictures to display and show off.

My girls are so pretty.

The doctor, Dr. Jenkins, comes in the room and informs me the measured space was fluid, but it isn't anything to worry about as a lot of babies get it and it eventually goes away.

Oh okay, then I wont worry about it.

Then he said, "But, with you, any change is bad."

Unsure how to take that, I ask, "Should I be worried?"

I was informed, again, that it was probably nothing.

It would be checked again at my next visit in two days.

It was time for the Non-Stress Test, so I moved on and tried not to think about it.

After getting even more gel put on my large self, I sit back and try to relax as the nurse has trouble finding one of the babies' heartbeats.

This wasn't unusual, as the girls aren't very cooperative, so I brush it aside.

The doctor's office decides to brush it aside as well, and I am sent on my way.

I call Seth, letting him know I am on my way home so we can finally start the birthday celebrations.

As I get in the car, I feel nothing.

Strange, they were moving so much just a few minutes ago.


Maybe I should turn the car around and go back to the office.


It's rush hour--too busy and I don't want to get in a wreak.


I'm sure they're just tired.

Similar thoughts repeat on the drive to Olive Garden with me in the passenger seat, during my meal, when I blow out my candles, when I get on my new bike, when I sit to watch a movie, and as I get in bed for the night.

Why aren't they moving?

I'm sure they're fine, I just saw them!

I must just be over-reacting.


Dez and Mike said...

This breaks my heart. we love you guys

Rhonda said...

don't know how I stumbled upon your blog but I just read your story about the girls. My heart breaks for you! I just recently had an early miscarriage and it's nothing compared to what you went through.

Porter is a great looking kid!