We were pregnant.
And, no, I'm not talking about in June.
I'm talking about last month.
We have now officially experienced a miscarriage.
Our first, and hopefully only one.
After going through a miscarriage and a stillbirth simultaneously, I've noticed that there is a big difference between the two.
From my personal experience, stillbirth is much harder emotionally and physically.
Let me explain: after I had the girls, my body acted like I was supposed to be feeding two babies, it looked like I was still pregnant or just had a baby without any physical proof in my empty arms, and I had to bury babies that would have otherwise been perfectly healthy.
In no way do I want to down-play the physical and emotional pain of a miscarriage, though, as it is still the loss of a child.
I'm absolutely positive the further along you are when you experience a miscarriage, the more different and difficult it is.
With our miscarriage I was not very far--I was only 8 weeks, not yet "attached" to the personality of the baby, and not buying baby items or making major life-changing baby plans.
Although, I was excited.
Generally, I don't even announce that I'm pregnant until 12 weeks or later...usually when I'm done with the major morning sickness...for the risk of this reason.
BUT I did tell enough people to feel the need to blog about it.
I broke my typical announcing time-period rule to try to make the reality sink in, give people some good news, and to try to spread a little of my excitement.
So, this week, you get this update and no pictures (sorry) because most of the week was spent figuring out what was going on as I all-of-a-sudden didn't feel pregnant anymore and started bleeding heavily.
Things like this keep me away from the camera.
Am I upset about this?
I'm more disappointed than upset.
I mean, I would have been 2 months along, had some good news to report, and been semi-happily, yet uncomfortably nauseous...but I've returned to square one.
To me, it's fine because I wasn't "showing" extensively for the questions from strangers to happen, and wont need to change my workout so I can keep trying to get back to my skinny-self...which I'm beginning to doubt will ever happen.
(I actually enjoy getting to kick my butt at the gym without feeling like I have to take it easy)
I know we'll get pregnant again, and everything will eventually work out.
It's just not time yet.