October is the National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month.
I feel like if I had some sort of awareness of what it was like to lose a child to death, I feel like I would have been more understanding and kinder to those who I know who have lost a child before me.
In my situation, I have had an outpouring of love so great that I have no words to describe how grateful I am.
But, there are times when someone unintentionally says something that they think is helpful when it is something that probably should not have been said.
This is very seldom, but usually when this happens, I bite my tounge.
An article was posted on a support group I am a member of on Facebook.
It describes the feelings of the loss of infant to death in such a beautiful way, that I feel the need to share it on here as well.
If you would like to read it, and are curious about what I am going through go here.
I do not have the talent this lady has with words, but there is one difference with me and what she says--I don't get stumped when I tell Porter why the girls died.
October 15th was Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day.
I love my girls.
I miss them more than I can say.
I think of them daily...often with the help of Porter.
In honor of them on October 15th, I wore a necklace from my friend from choir.
It was a heart with the saying, "A mother holds her child's hand for a moment and their hearts forever."
I love little mementos like that.
There is something I feel like I need to repeat...
I have said before that the knowledge I have that I will see my girls again doesn't take the pain away.
It truly doesn't, but I'm better than I feel like I would have been otherwise.
I am still laden with the burden of the loss of my girls, but I have help from a loving Heavenly Father when I need it the most.
This coming Saturday marks four months.
I have a different life than I had before--a new normal to adjust to.
This new normal is harder, but just as good as my old normal.
I have a loving husband who supports me and puts up with my emotional rollercoaster life.
I have a handsome little boy who I am a bit more over-protective of, and who I am so extremely blessed to have with me right now.
And, I have the most amazing, understanding friends who haven't left my side--metaphorically speaking--even when I'm extremely emotionally compromised.
I have a beautiful life.
PS: This is my 500th post...kinda crazy.