Another Addition

What you were waiting for last week (if you're not on Facebook and didn't scroll down).

We're pregnant!!!

I'm not gonna lie...

11 weeks

11 weeks 3D

...I'm so excited!!

12 weeks

Excited, extremely grateful, and sometimes even a tiny bit scared.

But, I'm living on faith here. :)

16 weeks

And, let's face it, there's really nothing else I can do as it has occurred to me multiple times that none of this is in my hands.

But, I know this time things will be different!

I just know it.

It already has been!

This baby wasn't really a surprise, but kinda a "well alright then"!!

I was told by the doctor to wait before getting pregnant again after my miscarriage since they were worried about possible infection, but...apparently...I didn't wait.

It helped I saw and was told that nothing was left behind there from the miscarriage to "infect".

When my period didn't start for quite a few weeks, I didn't even want to take a test because, frankly, I just didn't want to know.

I finally gave in after stewing over it a while drove me crazy.

Because of my history, after I got the positive, I got a doctor's appointment right away.

 I hadn't had a period and just a miscarriage, so when I went in, I got an ultrasound (no pix, though, dang it) to see how far I was.

They measured me at 7 weeks and gave me a due date of...

OCTOBER 17!!!

I have to admit I was, and still am, very much relieved when at 7 weeks I saw just one little "gummy bear" because my twin pregnancy was really hard work.

I can tell I've been used to twins inside, though, because when I started feeling the baby move I kept thinking it wasn't moving enough.

It's moving plenty...just actually has room with no one else there to make it a crowd.

And, yes, my tummy poked out right away...like...8 weeks right away I looked like I did in the above picture at 12 weeks.

I guess it's true what they say about how with every pregnancy your tummy "gets bigger faster".

I'm sure it doesn't help that I literally just did this.

Happy to announce BABY #4!!!!!

PS: In three weeks, we'll find out the gender, and with the move and such I don't know how great I will be at updating after graduation, so...take a guess on our poll! :)

International Bereaved Mother's Day

That's today.

I didn't know any of these national or international things people did to raise awareness for the loss of a child until I actually lost children.

I think that's pretty normal for everyone--no one really knows about things like this unless it happens to them or someone close to them.

I've been thinking about this day this week, wondering how I would announce it to someone.

I started off thinking, You can't really smile and tell people "Happy International Bereaved Mother's Day!"; especially not to a mother who has lost a child because it's not really a "happy celebration".

And then I thought I'd look at it in a different light and at a different angle.

...

I've done a lot of hard things in my life.

I've made too many mistakes to count that I sometimes wish I never made.

I lost my grandfather shockingly and suddenly in 3rd grade to pneumonia.

I lost my "gammie" to a rare disease at age 10, after watching her suffer for a year while losing the ability to do things due to this disease.

She was so full of life which made it especially hard to witness.

Her death wasn't a shock, but, because she had always been there my whole life since we lived in the same town and she was my teacher in so many ways other than just violin, it was and still is sometimes really hard.

I've had two painful DVTs (blood clots) that I'm lucky to have caught before anything broke off and caused something even worse.

I've been pregnant four times, having to administer shots to myself that "burn" (same shots that are to treat a DVT) because of previously stated clots every day of the pregnancy and 8 weeks following full term...in my stretching and then deflating belly.

Not to mention pregnancy on its own without the clotting factor is still extremely difficult for me as I get really sick...like practically bedridden, haven't showered in days, good luck getting me out of the house, yeah right I'm not cleaning or cooking, every weird smell makes me puke...sick, that sometimes lasts the whole pregnancy (I feel a bit like a drug addict when I'm pregnant--popping nausea pills and taking shots all the time).

And, I get horrible bear claw stretch marks which leave emotional scars long after pregnancy.

Not to mention birth...twice...once to stillborn twins.

The hardest thing I've ever had to deal with in my life (so far) is the second birth--the death my twin girls.

But, every single one of those "hard things" has taught me something.

I experienced things that I know I wouldn't have experienced with any other trial, and I've learned things I know I wouldn't have otherwise.

I know I've become the person I am today because of those experiences and lessons learned.

...

I have had countless wonderful spiritual experiences tied to my loss of the girls--right after I lost them up until now.

I count each experience as a moment of tremendous growth, and as a tender mercy from the Lord.

Therefore, because of that, you are welcome to smile at me, and tell me "Happy International Bereaved Mother's Day" because I am happy.

I'm happy to have experienced what I have with my girls.

I'm happy because I know I will get to see my girls again as long as I do what I know to be right.

I'm happy because I'm blessed to have four beautiful children (I don't have to physically see this one to already know he or she is beautiful).

I'm happy because I married a great man who puts up with me as I go through so many emotional ups, downs, crazies and plateaus (thank you, hormones).

I'm happy because I have great family members and friends who put up with the same emotional roller coaster (and lack of communication, sometimes) and love me anyway.

I'm happy because I know that my girls are never too far away, cheering me on.

"You and I in a moment of weakness may cry out, 'No one understands. No one knows.' No human being, perhaps, knows. But the Son of God perfectly knows and understands, for He felt and bore our burdens before we ever did. And because He paid the ultimate price and bore that burden, He has perfect empathy and can extend to us His arm of mercy in so many phases of our life. He can reach out, touch, succor--literally run to us--and strengthen us." --David A. Bednar

In Case You Were Wondering...

...And don't happen to remember...

There's something on the bottom of the page that you may want to see that has been posted for a while now.

And, if you don't want to bother going all the way down, well, just wait until next week.

Because I honestly don't have anything else of note to mention except that...

WE ARE MOVING IN TWO WEEKS!!!

Which, I'm sure you would rather hear than me complaining about my current apartment.

Your welcome.

For the hint and not complaining.

Loves!

Too Cute

We made a trip to Casper this weekend to pick up a few items from "storage" (aka the basement of Clark's office).

We had fun visiting for a couple of days!

Seth and Porter especially enjoyed the tramp!

**Most of these pictures are blurry, but they were too cute and funny not to share.

Seth has the same smile in most of these pictures.

See what I mean?

And, he stands up!

Too bad you can't tell, but Porter got some pretty good air!

Watch...

Mess

A sign of a great night's sleep...

...or a sign that someone needs a haircut.

More Tricks

The other day, Porter was showing me his boxing skills...

...and then his push up skills...

...and finally, his "pose"!

Ta-Da!

Show off those mad skills!

Now we just need to work on nun chuck skills, bow hunting skills, and computer hacking skills...

Tricks

Porter now does cartwheels and somersaults!

In between Phineas & Ferb episodes on Netflix.

He begins every exercise session with "Mommy, I have a good idea."

Or, "Mommy, watch this trick!"

He then ends with a pretty sweet pose.

And no, it's not the usual both arms overhead pose.

It's one arm up, one down, both at diagonal angles while he's bent over slightly.

I'd have a picture, but my camera battery died.

He'll pose again.

Color

You can't finish Easter without a proper egg-coloring!

Porter was pretty good about waiting for the eggs to get their color...

Yes, his shirt is inside out and backwards...pretty typical lately.

 The results:

Awesome!!

Didn't even use a packet this year!

His favorites

Porter loved it.

He Is Risen

Every day, but most especially at Easter time, I've felt so grateful for the love Jesus Christ showed as He was willing to take my sins and die for me so that I can have the opportunity to live with Him and my Father in Heaven again.

Never before have I felt more grateful than I have this year that the tomb was empty that first Easter morning.

Words cannot express the gratitude I feel for the knowledge I have that Jilinda and Alayna will rise from their grave because Christ is risen.

Because He is risen, I will be able to hold them again and raise them in their perfect, celestial bodies if I do His will and keep His commandments.

This knowledge has given me the greatest joy as I strive to do His will.

I often fail or fall short, but I know when I do, He is right there with open arms waiting for me to turn to Him for help, comfort and forgiveness.

He truly has born my sorrows, my pains, and my grief.

He knows me.

He loves me.

He trusts me.

He has confidence in me.

How I love Him...and I praise Him.

Death has no victory.

He is risen!

Happy Easter!

On the Hunt

I had a realization today...

...I'm really bad at making holidays awesome.

I know, big realization after I'm sure you saw my recent holiday posts...*coughSt.Patrick'sDay.

I won't link to them again to spare you.

Just sad, really.

It's a good thing that Porter hasn't seemed to notice.

This is him today on his egg hunt...

Don't mind the used Pull-Up on the floor (yes, Porter is still not night-trained)

Also, don't mind the garbage front and center in the kitchen (This apartment has beaten our first apartment and our GG apartment in "wonderful-ness"...yes, it's possible.)

Just enjoy this sweet little face with his loot...

Porter picked the outfit himself.

...because his face is just so dang cuuuuuute!

Happy Egg-hunting!!

Blankets for Angels

I decided to do something special for other angel babies for my girls' first Angel Day.

When we were in the hospital, we were given clothing for the girls to wear that was made specifically for stillborn children.

I keep the clothing and the blankets given to me as keepsakes.

So, for their Angel Day coming up in just three months, I decided to give back.

If you're interested, and would like more details, go here or click my button to the left.

Thank you!

PS: If you know my personal email or are friends with me on Facebook, you're welcome to contact me that way instead of the email you will see via the link.

Where is He?

How Porter fell asleep last night...

St. Patricks

About as festive as it got, and it's all thanks to Gammie!

Lack of Motivation

This move, as it will only be until June, has left me not wanting to completely unpack.

I mean, what's the point, right?

I have a few months here, and then I'm packing again.

I'm sure I'll get it unpacked sooner or later...

...when the weather is bad again.

Until then you'll find us outside!

Not Enough Exclamation Points to Truly Express...

We found out today that Seth was accepted to the residency we wanted at the....

...SALT LAKE VA HOSPITAL!!!

So, we will be moving to Salt Lake after graduation in May!!!

We're really excited!

I even cried a little.

Totally serious.

Shortly after we found out Seth got it, we also found out our friends the Farrs will be there!!

AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

SO excited!!