The Jensen Family

Housing

2012-01-29T18:48:00.000-08:00

If you can't stand finding temporary housing raise your hand.

*hand raised*

I have spent the majority of the last month looking for a place to live.

Seth's busy driving back and forth 2.5 hours every week to be much of a help.

Plus, I'm the one who really cares about little things like space for all our stuff.

After ~~hours~~ days on the computer and calling people, I narrowed my seemingly never-ending list down to 5 options.

Well, technically I only had 5 options to choose from as basically no one does month to month rent without making you break the bank every month.

I digress.

Friday, Seth and I took a trip down to Cheyenne to check out each of the previously mentioned places.

We found one we are the most interested in, but wont know if we can actually get into it until Wednesday.

Some people are living in it who should have moved out this last month.

So, here's hoping they get out of there.

Because of this, we didn't even get to take a look inside.

There are some things that are more important than seeing what you'll have to deal with for three months like a dishwasher in a floor-level apartment.

Who needs to see the inside of it right?

eh hem.

Maybe I can get the realtor to send me a blue-print or pictures.

While we were there, though, we decided to take a quick drive-by trip to the capitol.

It was nice to get an idea of where we would be in just a couple weeks.

And, yes, I'm totally counting down.

I want to have my husband around.

All in a Day's Work

2012-01-29T18:33:00.000-08:00

It all started with some sleep.

Then it was morning, and time for breakfast.

Then lunch.

And, finally dinner.

Check out that leg!

Aaaaand repeat.

Cake

2012-01-22T19:51:00.000-08:00

Friday, Seth and I had this...

source

...but didn't feel guilty because we just swam for 2 hours before at a birthday swimming party for couples.

Saturday morning, Porter was offered (and surprisingly didn't have) this...

source

...at one of his friend's from church birthday party.

Saturday night, we all had...

source

...at a reception.

The cake was so purple that it stained the bride's face after being mashed on half of it for the rest of the night.

Poor girl.

And today we had...

source

...for Emily's 18th birthday!

I wouldn't be surprised if we all weigh a bit more tomorrow.

Boards Part 2

2012-01-22T19:32:00.000-08:00

I'm so proud of Seth!!!

He nailed his second part of boards!!!

My husband is so smart.

Just one more part of boards before graduation, and we can put this whole thing behind us!

Dessert

2012-01-17T16:57:00.000-08:00

Sunday was spent with lots of family!

My best friend since birth, Suzanne, came to church with me.

I hadn't seen her in 3 years, and she is definitely considered family.

Getting to catch up was glorious.

We decided that we need to live next to each other or she needs to marry into Seth's family.

Totally serious.

Can't live without this girl.

Sadly, I didn't remember to take pictures at all that day, so this post will be just words.

I know, boring.

You can stop reading here, if you can't stand it.

After Sunday dinner (which was de-lish), I got to see my Papa, all of my mother's siblings with their spouses, four sets of cousins and their spouses, my brother and his wife and all of the little kiddies that go with said people at one location.

And, we had delicious desserts.

It was a loud, tasty, and joyous occasion.

So great, in fact, that I decided it was more important to chat than it was to take pictures.

I loved it so much, and it made my desire to live down there even stronger (which, apparently is possible).

All we need to do is win the HGTV Dream Home 2012, or Seth needs to get accepted to the residency program there.

Preferably both.

I miss everyone already.

Battlefield

2012-01-17T16:45:00.000-08:00

Airsoft, anyone??

Jordanne

2012-01-17T16:39:00.001-08:00

Porter got to meet his new cousin.

He loved just hanging out with her.

He would even talk to her and she'd give him the biggest smiles.

Porter decided to pull up beside her this particular day in a rocking chair.

Kaysha decided to join in.

All rocking away.

Until Kaysha decides to serenade.

Porter sure loves his cousins!

First Time

2012-01-17T16:36:00.000-08:00

It's taken me 25.5 years to do so, but...

I've finally eaten at In-n-Out.

It's only taken Porter almost 4.

Paige's Game

2012-01-17T16:34:00.000-08:00

My brother and his wife's second oldest, Paige, had a basketball game, so we all went to see!

She did pretty well!!

I think she caught the most rebounds.

Therefore, we dubbed her the rebound-queen.

She and her team won!!!

...by a lot!

Go Paige!

More Driving

2012-01-17T16:29:00.000-08:00

Not only did we go to visit Seth, but all of us drove to Utah!

Porter forgot to bring his sunglasses, so I obliged...

He looks better in them than I do, anyway.

Good thing I didn't forget my camera, though...

Still Wyoming!

Gorgeous.

Sinks Canyon

2012-01-17T16:19:00.000-08:00

Porter and I went over to...

(never seen the whole name on a mountain before. Who does that? Apparently Indians.)

...to visit Seth!

Seth is basically bachelor-ing it up without being a bachelor with roommates and everything until February.

I cannot wait until February.

Anyway, Seth happened to have the day off right after Porter's and my arrival, so we took a short trip to Sinks Canyon!

Wanna know what that is?

Well, I took a picture of a sign just for you.

Don't want to read it?

That's fine.

All you need to know is that it's on the Popo Agie river.

If you're not from here, you most likely said it wrong.

I know.

I got it wrong all day.

Anywho...

The first thing we did when we arrived was down into the Sinks!

Notice the sign^^

I was the least prepared of everyone and wore my Keds.

I basically skied down.

Here's what we saw once we reached the bottom...

The water is usually filled all the way up beyond those rocks in the Spring.

That day it was lucky to get past the ice.

Because of my shoe situation, I did my usual...

...capturing of the scenery.

Porter was never too far from my side.

With enormous gloves on (since the only winter gear we brought for him were boots and a coat...better prepared than me, still!)

And Seth?

Well, if you didn't catch him in his yellow coat in the picture above, he was more adventurous than either Porter or myself.

Second, we came to the overlook of the Sinks...

And took more pictures.

Proof of my presence.

Then it was back to the car to go a quarter mile down to the Rise.

Only after a few snowballs.

Who says Wyoming isn't pretty?

The Rise is where the water from the river comes back to the surface!

It makes a very pretty lake.

Where four very brave, cold ducks paddled around.

We didn't stay long, but we sure enjoyed the beauty.

Controlled mess

2012-01-17T15:57:00.001-08:00

Until all the sticks come out, anyway.

Disappointing

2012-01-08T20:28:00.000-08:00

We were pregnant.

And, no, I'm not talking about in June.

I'm talking about last month.

We have now officially experienced a miscarriage.

Our first, and hopefully only one.

After going through a miscarriage and a stillbirth simultaneously, I've noticed that there is a big difference between the two.

From my personal experience, stillbirth is much harder emotionally and physically.

Let me explain: after I had the girls, my body acted like I was supposed to be feeding two babies, it looked like I was still pregnant or just had a baby without any physical proof in my empty arms, and I had to bury babies that would have otherwise been perfectly healthy.

In no way do I want to down-play the physical and emotional pain of a miscarriage, though, as it is still the loss of a child.

I'm absolutely positive the further along you are when you experience a miscarriage, the more different and difficult it is.

With our miscarriage I was not very far--I was only 8 weeks, not yet "attached" to the personality of the baby, and not buying baby items or making major life-changing baby plans.

Although, I was excited.

Generally, I don't even announce that I'm pregnant until 12 weeks or later...usually when I'm done with the major morning sickness...for the risk of this reason.

BUT I did tell enough people to feel the need to blog about it.

I broke my typical announcing time-period rule to try to make the reality sink in, give people some good news, and to try to spread a little of my excitement.

So, this week, you get this update and no pictures (sorry) because most of the week was spent figuring out what was going on as I all-of-a-sudden didn't feel pregnant anymore and started bleeding heavily.

Things like this keep me away from the camera.

Am I upset about this?

I'm more disappointed than upset.

I mean, I would have been 2 months along, had some good news to report, and been semi-happily, yet uncomfortably nauseous...but I've returned to square one.

To me, it's fine because I wasn't "showing" extensively for the questions from strangers to happen, and wont need to change my workout so I can keep trying to get back to my skinny-self...which I'm beginning to doubt will ever happen.

(I actually enjoy getting to kick my butt at the gym without feeling like I have to take it easy)

I know we'll get pregnant again, and everything will eventually work out.

It's just not time yet.

Baby, It's Cold Outside

2012-01-02T01:09:00.000-08:00

...So, we go play at the mall...

Our Christmas

2012-01-02T01:02:00.000-08:00

I spent most of Christmas dealing with the stomach flu that has been circling this house.

Therefore, I didn't get many pictures of the events of Christmas Eve...since I'm the one who really takes the majority of our pictures.

Here is a bit of what I took over Christmas to make up for it:

Porter awoke on Christmas morning and got to have one of his gifts from Santa before church...

He, Wyatt, and Bella all had these guns and were shooting the bullets all over the house before we left.

After church, we delved into the rest of the gifts.

After eating the majority of his candy, we decided to take off his adorable church outfit before it got too messy...hence the following outfit.

Porter loved his gifts from Santa...

Cars "big boy" underwear

The certain (Porter called it his "circle") toy from the Santa video

And, he enjoyed his gifts from family

From Mama

From us.

Porter's favorites are the last two and his "circle toy".

The rest of the evening was spent relaxing...

...well, honestly, I was still recovering so I spent a lot of the evening sleeping or cuddling with my boy.

But, everyone else?

Cute Bella with Hawaiian beads.

Playing around with Wyatt and Emily

Want to know my favorite gifts this year??

Well, even if you don't here they are...

In second place...

Our wedding album from LaRene...so nice and so perfect!

And in first place...

My second piece of jewelry given to me from Seth.

(The first was my wedding ring)

The gem is June's birthstone.

Well, one of the three, anyway--Alexandrite.

Gorgeous stone that changes colors in different lights.

The reason for the stone choice...

I share my birth month, June, with my girls.

So this necklace has a lot of meaning.

It was a wonderful Christmas even with my sickness.

Christmas is always wonderful.

I hope yours was more healthy but as great as mine.

Merry Christmas!

Resolutions 2012

2012-01-01T14:50:00.000-08:00

Looking at last years resolutions, I feel I did pretty well. It definitely helped that I wasn't called to visit teach ever since I got pregnant. As I'm still not a visiting teacher, I'm not adding that one this year. If I become one? I'll just try to be better at it for the sake of last year's resolution.

On to 2012:

1. Spend more one on one time with Porter. Yes, I'm making this number one again. I did better last year spending time with him, but now I want to make sure he and I get our own mother-son dates every month. I mean, he's going to be starting school soon (ack!), and I want to get in the habit of making more time for him and me alone before he's gone most of the day.

2. Be more thoughtful. I like to think of myself as relatively thoughtful, but in all honesty I can be much better at this.

3. Keep Positive. This encompases two aspects of my life at the moment. First, I need to continue to stay positive about the girls, and second, I need to stay positive about moving. All the moves we are doing/have done/will do is starting to ~~give me chest pains~~ ~~make me crazy~~ stress me out when I think about them. I need to not sweat the moves. (Only 2 this year...)

4. Limit time wasted. Another duplicate. I'm seriously the world's best time waster. Pinterest has not helped with this one.

Happy New Year!!

Christmas Card 2011

2011-12-23T13:24:00.000-08:00

This year, we saved some money/time and sent only a few cards out to mostly family.

Trust me, when you've got two people from immediate families of 9 and 11, it's still a lot of cards...60 actually.

So, for those who did not receive one in the mail this year, this is for YOU!!!

Merry Christmas!!!

6 Years

2011-12-18T13:59:00.001-08:00

Then Let Us All With One Accord Sing Praises To Our Heavenly Lord

2011-12-18T13:58:00.000-08:00

I flew back!

To Portland, that is.

Isn't that view gorgeous!?

It's right outside the back window of my host, Carrie's home!

Anyway, I came back for a very special reason.

To sing as a member of the Portland Ensign Choir and Orchestra one last time.

Why?

Not only to see and sing with these lovely talented ladies again...

Emily, Carrie, Betsy, me

...but to be able to sing again, period.

I lost my twin girls right before the final June performance earlier this year.

During the concert they were dancing to the music inside me.

It was very hard to even think about singing without them being with me.

I needed to sing in the same setting one more time, this time without them, so I could have an assurance that I would be able to sing ever again.

With a goal in sight, I overcame my vocal trial.

I'm happy to say.

I felt my girls cheering me on during all three performances.

I can even say I'm positive they joined in with the audience on our encore.

Thank you so much Dave, Emily, Patrice and especially Carrie!

Love you all.

GQ

2011-12-11T22:23:00.001-08:00

New Sunday clothes + a new haircut =

Really, really ridiculously good-looking.

Porter Roll

2011-12-04T21:02:00.001-08:00

Porter decided he wanted to be rolled up.

And then he decided to just stay that way.

Well, that is until Levi came around...

Ward Christmas Party

2011-12-04T20:30:00.001-08:00

We had our ward Christmas party last week.

I made these delights.

Source

(I {heart} pinterest)

How were they??

Exactly.

From Santa

2011-12-01T11:08:00.001-08:00

Porter has a very special message from Santa!

Go here to check it out.

Merry Christmas!

Home Again, Home Again

2011-11-27T16:06:00.001-08:00

Jiggity...

...er...

...shhh.

Filling What Is Empty

2011-11-23T15:25:00.001-08:00

It's June 23.

It's not really registering that I just gave birth, but my body feels and appears otherwise.

I still look pregnant, I think as I get dressed in the same clothes I wore to the doctors office just two days before.

I'm leaving the hospital...empty.

Empty inside and empty outside.

The babies, I'm sure, are being taken to the morgue.

What a horrible place for babies to go.

Seth helps me gather all the mementos and we exit the room.

A pregnant woman walks by, "Not time yet?", she says with a smile.

I'm taken aback, but respond, "Oh, no. We already had ours, but they died."

Her face went from happiness to surprise in an instant.

"Oh," she says and tries to hurry away.

I realize I'm jealous of her belly bulge.

I'm also jealous of the quick heartbeat I hear in the next room.

And the cries I hear down the hall.

I try to shake it off, and I take something out of Seth's arms so I don't leave the hospital carrying nothing.

...

We are home.

I walk upstairs while Seth leaves to grab more items from the car.

My eyes focus on the two car seats in our bedroom.

They have the car seat covers I made for them over them.

Just days before, I would picture my sweethearts inside as I would lift the cover...

I break down.

Through my tears, I grab everything baby-related I can see and throw it in the third room.

There's so much stuff, and I can't get it out fast enough.

I'm even angry because there's so much.

We were completely ready for them.

I give up and sink to the floor in the middle of the hallway.

I hear Seth rush up the stairs.

He sees me, I tell him what happened, and he shuts the door on the baby items in the room.

For whatever reason, because I can't see the items, I begin to calm down as Seth holds me.

...

It's July 5th.

The girls are in the ground in Wyoming, and the responsibility I feel toward protecting their little bodies is lifted.

They are alright.

I am still hurting, but am also alright.

I find that I'm having an easier time going into the third bedroom and facing the baby items.

I box up the items I made and the items we received from the hospital in temporary boxes so I can get them out of the way.

I want Seth to make a "millennium box" with everything in it so I can use it when my little sweethearts are in my arms again.

Will I need this stuff? I wonder...It doesn't matter. I want it.

...

It's September 23rd.

I want to take cookies to the doctors and nurses who helped me with the girls, so I spend the day baking.

Seth, Porter and I get in the car and travel the hour to the doctor's office once again.

We arrive right at closing time, so I leave the car with cookies in hand while Seth goes to park.

It's surprisingly easy to go back into the office.

Almost like nothing has happened.

I go up to the receptionist desk, but I don't recognise the receptionist behind it.

In three months, it's already different.

I tell her to give the cookies to everyone in the office and make sure they know 'Sierra' gave it to them...unsure she'll even remember my name.

After watching her take the cookies to the back room, I leave.

I don't want to bother the doctors while they are working.

Seth and Porter are walking toward me as I walk out the front door, and I tell them I've already dropped off the cookies.

We go back to the car, and right as I'm about to get in, I spot someone walking toward us and up the parking structure...

"Heather!"

She recognises me, smiles and comes over.

"I was just about to go to the Nurses' station at Labor and Deliver and give you these," I say as I hand her a plate of fresh cookies.

We chat for a bit about how I'm doing and how her family is.

It just so happened that she was taking a class that day and had parked in the same parking structure.

I tell her that she's someone I will never forget, and she tells me the same.

This is why I was supposed to come today...right now.

She is really the one I want to see the most.

After talking for a short while, we part.

Seth, Porter and I still go to Labor and Delivery, though, as we have a plate for Roxann.

A nurse informs us that Roxann isn't working today, so we leave the cookies on the desk with a note for her.

I don't think Roxann will actually get to have any cookies, I think as I set them down.

...

It is November 23rd.

Five months and three days ago, my girls moved for the last time.

I feel like it's time for everyone to know the story.

Every 20th, 21st, 22nd, and 23rd of the past five months has been the same--I think about and almost re-live what happened during those special days and what has happened since.

Thanksgiving is tomorrow, and I want everyone to know that this life-experience is what I am the most thankful for this year.

I'm thankful for this experience because it has helped me realize what and who is most important in my life.

It has helped me to focus on spiritual things more, to be more empathetic, to be a better mother, to not take life for granted, and to be a better family member.

I would never wish this situation on anyone, but I'm grateful that my Heavenly Father has enough faith in me to be able to handle it.

If I do what I am supposed to, I automatically have two beautiful baby girls in the Millennium--something I love thinking about.

Frequently death comes as an intruder. It is an enemy that suddenly appears in the midst of life’s feast, putting out its lights and gaiety. It visits the aged as they walk on faltering feet. Its summons is heard by those who have scarcely reached midway in life’s journey, and often it hushes the laughter of little children.
...There is one phrase which should be erased from your thinking and from the words you speak aloud. It is the phrase ‘If only.’ It is counterproductive and is not conducive to the spirit of healing and of peace. Rather, recall the words of Proverbs: ‘Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
-Thomas S. Monson

Grief and Pain

2011-11-22T21:31:00.001-08:00

It's June 22nd.

I have no idea what time it is, but it's early, and I've woken up countless times during the night.

I'm not ready to be at the hospital; not ready to be giving birth to these girls.

Mentally, I'm just not prepared to deal with the pain of labor.

My grief is overpowering and all-consuming.

Not to mention all the pain associated with giving birth.

I feel completely helpless and broken.

I've never felt so awful in my entire life.

Seth is restless, and notices I'm having a hard time.

He offers to switch beds.

His bed is much more comfortable than the hospital birthing bed, but even with the nicer bed, my pain isn't much better.

...

I'm in full-on labor and can only focus on the pain.

I remind myself to try to breathe through contractions, but all I can think about is the lack of an immediate reward when it is all over.

I'm not doing as well as I did with Porter's labor.

I have a new nurse, Roxann, who gives me pain medication options.

I don't want an epidural...I don't feel like I need one because I didn't have one with Porter, so I get morphine.

This stuff doesn't work, I think as I push the button every thirty seconds.

"It won't go every time you push it," Seth tries to tell me, "It's so you don't overdose."

I'm uncomfortable lying down--I need to move.

I stand up, but I'm so exhausted that my knees buckle and I only get as far as the hospital bed only two feet away.

I kneel on the bed, praying for the pain to stop.

Praying that it will all be over.

"I'm so tired!" I say over and over.

My water breaks.

I just can't handle all the pain anymore.

I can't do this!! "I want an epidural!!" I cry in defeat.

Roxann grabs the anethesiologist as quick as she can, and I awkwardly try to curl my back at the edge of the bed.

The anethesiologist is super fast, and the epidural is in before I know it.

As fast as the epidural is put in, my pain goes away.

Why was I ever against this?

I lay on the bed, completely content with the fact that I can't feel my legs and I don't have to deal with the physical pain anymore.

Roxann puts the sheet over me, and I feel something exit my body.

"I think a baby's out...she's out," I say.

I'm right.

I didn't have to do anything...she just came out.

Roxann calls for the doctor, and they take my baby out from under the sheet.

I'm afraid to look, but I watch as they take her away.

She's so small!

I don't get much time to do much of anything else before the doctor tells me Baby B is breech and I need to push.

I push a couple times and out comes baby number two...backward.

I am so tired.

...

The next thing I know, I hear Seth sniffing on his cot/bed while he's typing on my computer.

Stop crying, I think, I'm too tired to comfort you.

...

I wake up again, this time to a sound that reminds me of an animal that is always near our apartment.

"Is there a cat in here?" I ask Seth, who looks up at me, confused.

He's still at the computer.

Roxann heard my question and informs me that what I think is a cat in fact is my epidural, and she comes and turns it off.

...

I'm awoken a couple more times from Lori, who visits as promised, and from a grief couselor who talks to Seth.

I don't register much of what is said, but I know who is here.

...

I wake up again, this time for good, and I look at the clock.

I've been asleep for four hours!

I sit up, and Seth notices.

He comes over and informs me he wants to go get Porter.

I sleepily give my consent, and he leaves the room.

To my left, the girls are lying together in the small bed.

I will them to move like they had just days before, but nothing happens.

I hear a small knock on the door as Roxann enters.

She brings mementos with her and starts to clean off the girls and dress them.

She talks to them, and it makes me smile faintly.

"Do you want to hold them?" she asks.

I say I do, and she brings a baby over.

I know who it is without even having to look at her.

It's Alayna.

She was the one causing the bigger movements inside; the one who wasn't comfortable with the small space and who would kick me as I took my shot--determined.

Alayna is placed in my left arm as Jilinda is brought over and placed in my right.

Jilinda would take the path of least resistance around her sister, and is the one who would get out of my way while I took my shot--the peacemaker.

Jilinda came out first, and Alayna followed only by a half hour.

Alayna is almost four pounds while Jilinda is just slightly over three.

I know these girls...I know them like they have been with me for years.

They're so pretty.

Roxann takes pictures with the hospital camera as tears fall from my eyes.

I love holding them.

...

Seth enters the room with Porter.

He looks at me tentatively as I say hi.

Seth takes him over to the girls who are back in their bed.

"The babies are dead," Porter says.

He is right, but those words are hard to hear.

Seth takes Porter over to his bed, and returns to get the girls.

He first takes Jilinda over to introduce her.

Porter doesn't want to hold her, so Seth holds her for a short time while Porter looks on.

Seth takes Jilinda back and returns with Alayna.

Porter doesn't want to hold her, either, so Seth repeats what he did with Jilinda.

He is about to put them back, and I ask to hold them again.

...

We feel it is time to send the girls away.

I say goodbye by touching their sweet little legs.

They are taken out of the room.

The separation is too much, but I resist the urge to follow them.

...

It is late.

Roxann has gone home, and Heather is back.

She's brought me a more comfortable bed to sleep on tonight.

I ask her if I could be allowed to go see the babies that survived at the nursery.

"I don't know why I need to go, but I feel like I need to," I told her.

She understands and takes me for a small walk to the nursery.

I look at the crying, healthy, alive babies, and feel a slight sensation of relief.

Not all babies die, I tell myself.

...

Seth cuddles with me on the much more comfortable hospital bed while Porter lies asleep on Seth's bed.

I'm so blessed to have Seth, and so grateful that I have Porter, I think as I close my swollen eyes.

The News

2011-11-21T20:48:00.001-08:00

It's early on June 21

Time for the pregnancy middle-of-the-night potty time.

I look at the time on my phone...4:00 AM.

Strange, I usually get up at two, I think as I get up.

Still no movement from my girls.

I begin to become more worried and say a prayer...Heavenly Father, please let these girls be okay...and by okay, I mean "alive"...and by alive, I mean "alive HERE".

A feeling of uncomfortable peace comes upon me as if someone is telling me, "It's okay, but you'll find out soon enough."

I don't like that answer, but it is enough to let me return to bed.

...

It's lighter outside my window.

I look at the time again...9:30 AM

Porter enters the room sleepy and disheveled...I love how he looks in the morning.

"Good morning!" I say with a grin, and I start to stretch.

He responds with a smile and asks if I can make him breakfast.

That means it's time to get up.

I place my hand under my belly for support.

Still no movement from inside.

I haven't said anything to Seth, and decide to not tell him unless I'm really sure that something is wrong.

I start the usual "pregnant morning routine"--a drink of water, breakfast, nausea medication and shot.

The girls always move when I take my shot, I think as I eat, they'll move then.

I escape to the bathroom after putting my bowl in the dishwasher to prove my theory.

Nothing.

I start poking at my left side of my belly to get them to move, "Come on, girls"

Why isn't she moving away from me?

I start to freak out and I rush as fast as I can down the stairs while trying to hold back tears.

Seth and Porter are still enjoying breakfast. "Seth, some thing's wrong," I say and begin to cry while I explain that the girls haven't moved for a while.

"Well, let's go to the doctor and make sure every thing's okay," he says, calmly.

I call, set up an appointment and get ready for the day as best I can through spouts of tears.

It's okay...every thing's fine...I'll go to the doctor like I did yesterday and everything will be fine.

Seth isn't as worried as I am and tries to calm me down with words of encouragement.

I begin to calm down as much as I can...Seth's right...I'm sure it'll all be okay.

...

The time comes to leave.

We go as a family in the new-to-us Durango we bought as preparation for the girls' arrival--it needs to be registered.

Seth suggests I go in to the office while he goes to the DMV with Porter to register the car as it needs to be done soon.

I'm hesitant to say yes, but I agree that it would be a smart thing to do.

As I walk into the office alone, I'm positive my worry is written all over my face, and I regret sending Seth away.

"Hi, Sierra! You should just live here, you know." the receptionist jokes with a grin.

I give a faint smile and say, "I should just sleep out here in the waiting area on the couches."

She laughs, but I don't see the smile in her eyes...She can see straight through me.

Another pee donation, then I wait for what feels like a long time.

They must be really busy today...I should have brought my book.

I look at the TV in the waiting room not really registering what is on the screen.

My name is called, and I get up.

First things first, I stand on the scale.

It's a number I'm not happy with, so I groan a bit before I'm taken to the Non-Stress Test room in the center of the circle.

I go to my usual spot on the hospital bed where I begin telling my nurse, Lori, my fears.

After my explanation, she leaves the room to get the small ultrasound machine so she has an easier time finding the girls' hearts.

Ever since the girls' membrane broke, it's been harder to find out where they are for the test so this is normal, but I wait impatiently until she returns with the machine.

She stands in front of me, places her right arm across my belly and keeps her back to me...She's trying to block my view!

I tentatively peek under her shoulder where I can get a small glimpse of the screen.

I see the girls' hearts, but don't see them beating.

She didn't stay in the area of their hearts very long, so I begin to doubt my eyes.

Solemnly, she tells me she needs to have the doctor come in and double-check something.

That isn't normal and gives me an even stronger sense of foreboding.

The same doctor who saw me yesterday, Dr Jenkins, enters with Lori and takes over the ultrasound machine...trying to block my view, as well.

This time there is no mistaking it--the little hearts that I had seen and heard beating countless times were completely still.

Dr. Jenkins turns to me..."There's no easy way to say this...we don't know what happened, but the babies have died."

"I thought so," I respond as large, loud sobs escape my body.

Lori quickly comes to my side and holds me, "Is your husband here?"

Through uncontrollable sobs, I say where he is.

Lori continues to hold me, trying to give me comfort as I speak my mind about what I should have done different.

"There's no guarantee any of those things would have made a difference. You did everything you could have done for these babies. I'm so sorry, sweetie."

I really did do everything I thought was right for my girls...Most importantly, I loved them and wanted them.

Slowly, I begin to find my voice again and decide to call Seth.

After only a couple rings, he answers, "Hey, I'm driving back and I'm close."

I tell him the news, but my words seem unreal.

His tears bring on even more tears from me, and I have to get off the phone.

I wait for him to come in a shocked silence and with a headache.

Seth enters the room with a mirrored look of shock on his face and he rushes to my side.

We hold each other and cry for who knows how long.

As we begin to calm down, I notice we are left alone.

My eyes meet Porter's, and he looks confused.

We begin to tell him what happened making sure he knows that, even though we now wont be taking the girls home like we've been talking about every day for months, we can all be physically together as an entire family again and he will be able to hold his sisters like he wants to.

Shortly after our discussion, Dr. Jenkins returns to the room and informs us that I will need to deliver.

I notice his eyes are red, and I feel sorry for him...I can't imagine how he must feel being the one who sent me home yesterday.

He gives us two options--deliver as soon as possible or go home, let it sink in and then come back.

We choose to get it done as soon as possible.

He understands and goes to make the arrangements.

Seth leaves to take Porter to a sitter, and I go to the nurses station to look for Lori to take me to Labor and Delivery.

Finding her, we exit by going out the back toward the hospital and away from the waiting room so I don't have to face all of the other pregnant women.

Lori stays with me until she has to return to work, and promises she'll visit tomorrow.

Seth's still not back as I am taken to my room.

I'm left alone as a new wave of grief hits me.

The door opens with Seth's arrival--he came with my hospital bag, and I'm happy to see both him and the bag.

We sit in silence that is occasionally interrupted with statements about how happy we are that we chose to get married in the temple, how sad we are that we don't get to have our girls right now, and what we are going to have to do next.

We have visitors from our ward who come to bring us support--our home teacher and a friend who happened to be in the area, and the Relief Society President and a sister who had also had a stillborn.

Their visits are brief, but very much appreciated.

The door opens again, and my night nurse enters the room.

I do a double-take...Heather!

Heather had been my favorite night nurse when I came to the hospital with a complication I had the day the girls' membrane broke just a few weeks before.

"Remember me?" I ask with a crooked grin.

"Absolutely, I do," she responded without smiling, "I am so sorry."

After an update on what happened since I'd seen her last, Heather started talking about what I will have to do.

"You can ask me any question you may have," she said.

I ask my questions--her answers only make me cry more, but I need to hear them so I can be prepared.

Pills are handed to me, and I take them to help get this going.

While Seth and I turn on episodes from How the States Got Their Shapes as a distraction, my contractions get worse.

This may not take long.

Last Movements

2011-11-20T23:30:00.000-08:00

It is June 20, my birthday.

I'm excited to celebrate my 25 years of life.

I'm also excited to get to see the girls again as it has been two days since my last "peek".

Porter's not too happy about being left at a sitters...again...and throws a fit that's pathetic enough to bring tears to my eyes as I drive the stressful hour to the doctor's office.

I am not a bad mom, I convince myself.

Upon arrival, I begin to calm down from my emotions and driving nerves.

"Hi Sierra!" the receptionists say as I walk in while handing me my cup and label.

It's nice to be so well-known in a doctors' office.

Saves time.

After the usual pee donation, I dive into the book all the nurses like to joke about--The Undaunted.

I grin as I open it, hearing in my head, "The Undaunted...hmmm...Well, I would be daunted reading this very large book."

Well, I think, it's not like I don't have the time to finish it with how many doctors visits I have.

After a while, my name is called and the sweet ultrasound technician and I go to the ultrasound room in the back of the big circle of an office.

We talk about small things that aren't that important while I get all uncomfortable with my shirt up and waist-high maternity shorts down.

My quite large and rather unattractive belly protrudes with my sweet girls inside.

I try not to think about how much my belly is going to itch once we're done today like it does every other day I go to the doctor as I get the warm gel put on.

A clear view shows on the screen to my left.

I smile, recognising the figures on the screen, Hello Sweethearts.

They had been extra active on the drive over.

Probably because I was emotional.

I begin to relax as well as any pregnant woman with 30 week old twins inside can relax--which really isn't much at all.

I haven't had any problems for a couple weeks, now.

Hopefully, it stays that way for four more weeks.

I noticed the technician suddenly go silent and begin measuring a space in Baby B's heart.

Oh great, I spoke too soon.

The technician moves on and starts asking me what my plans are for my birthday, and I tell her, all the while wondering what she measured but most importantly what it meant.

She finishes, prints a few pictures and leaves the room.

I clean off, and get ready for the doctor to come in to consult while enjoying my new set of pictures to display and show off.

My girls are so pretty.

The doctor, Dr. Jenkins, comes in the room and informs me the measured space was fluid, but it isn't anything to worry about as a lot of babies get it and it eventually goes away.

Oh okay, then I wont worry about it.

Then he said, "But, with you, any change is bad."

Unsure how to take that, I ask, "Should I be worried?"

I was informed, again, that it was probably nothing.

It would be checked again at my next visit in two days.

It was time for the Non-Stress Test, so I moved on and tried not to think about it.

After getting even more gel put on my large self, I sit back and try to relax as the nurse has trouble finding one of the babies' heartbeats.

This wasn't unusual, as the girls aren't very cooperative, so I brush it aside.

The doctor's office decides to brush it aside as well, and I am sent on my way.

I call Seth, letting him know I am on my way home so we can finally start the birthday celebrations.

As I get in the car, I feel nothing.

Strange, they were moving so much just a few minutes ago.

...

Maybe I should turn the car around and go back to the office.

...

It's rush hour--too busy and I don't want to get in a wreak.

...

I'm sure they're just tired.

Similar thoughts repeat on the drive to Olive Garden with me in the passenger seat, during my meal, when I blow out my candles, when I get on my new bike, when I sit to watch a movie, and as I get in bed for the night.

Why aren't they moving?

I'm sure they're fine, I just saw them!

I must just be over-reacting.

Free

2011-11-20T22:14:00.001-08:00

I wore two items that didn't cost a thing today...

1st...

...the dress!

I won it!

All thanks to Infarrantly Creative's La Posh Style giveaway!

2nd...

...blue eyeliner!

A gift from Bare Minerals!

Pretty sweet.

I guess you could say that today I am "priceless"

*slaps knee

Matchy Matchy

2011-11-20T22:07:00.001-08:00

The ladies of the house looked quite similar today!

Totally unplanned...

...definitely photo op-worthy.

So fun, in fact, Levi wanted in on it, too:

Five Reasons

2011-11-20T21:55:00.001-08:00

Guess what the weather did this week???

Yup!!!

Let me give you some reasons why this is so amazing...

Reason #1: When it snows the wind stops.

Absolutely that deserves the top reason.

Casper wind doesn't agree with me.

If you live here, you get it.

Reason #2: You get all bundled up!

Reason #3: Snowmen!!

Reason #4: Watching Porter play.

Reason #5: Getting to throw snowballs!!!

Nobody said it had to be thrown at someONE...

I love snow.

Camera Shy?

2011-11-20T21:09:00.001-08:00

Is this guy...

...camera shy??!!

Or just a tease...

Pretty postive it's the latter.

Go BSU Broncos!

2011-11-20T21:02:00.001-08:00

Game day on Saturday, you can bet we'll be sporting our fan gear!

Won't You Sing With Me

2011-11-20T20:55:00.001-08:00

Carson is so sweet.

He's teaching Porter his alphabet.

Most importantly, he's teaching Porter that it's okay to sing.

Makes my heart happy.

Cousins are the best.

Up

2011-11-20T20:51:00.001-08:00

Porter asked me to do his hair this last week.

That never happens.

He specifically asked for it to be "up"...

...and then asked for the same thing for the next three days.

Every day I put it up he would admire himself in the mirror.

I wonder who he gets that from...

Must be Seth. ;)

Vegas Visitors

2011-11-20T20:46:00.001-08:00

Laura and Track came for a visit last weekend!!

And, I didn't take any pictures until they were about to leave...sadly.

Man, I really need to be better at picture-taking when visitors come.

It was great to see them!!

The Real Windy City

2011-11-10T19:19:00.001-08:00

Being that I have never lived in Chicago, I cannot honestly dispute their claim to the windy city title, but I'm pretty positive that if the residents of Chicago came to Casper, they would hand it over.

We have arrived at our final destinations!

I say "destinationS" because our little family will be split apart for the majority of the next three months.

Seth will be travelling back and forth from Fort Washakie over the weekends to see us.

This will be an adventure.

He is staying at a student-only place on an Indian Reservation where his housing is paid for, but family is not allowed as he shares the place with two other interns.

If you've ever been to Fort Washakie, you would know what I mean when I say there is really no where else to sanely live that is closer than Casper.

So, Casper it is for Porter and me!

We tried to find our own housing, but ended up being too far down the waiting list to be able to get a place of our own.

Therefore, we're really grateful that Clark and LaRene are willing to let us invade their basement for a little while...and at such short notice.

So far, we've unloadedeverything, gotten a sweet gym membership at Lifetime Fitness, and been able to visit the girls' grave.

We realized how happy we are to be able to to that whenever we want now that we live so near.

We're excited to be closer to the end of all of this!!

PS: If you're curious, Seth's next "rotation" is in Cheyenne, and then he hopes to have a residency at either the Salt Lake VA or a place in Denver after graduation.

We'll find out about that later.

After a possible year of residency, we will be back in Casper for...well, for forever!

Seth will eventually work with his dad when he's finished.

So, I'm happy that the friends I make here will still be here when we come back!

Just if you were curious.

Halfway Point

2011-11-10T13:35:00.001-08:00

Our second and third night of our move was spent in Twin.

Which just so happens to be the halfway point between where we were going from Oregon to Wyoming!

We got to celebrate Mom's birthday while we were there by going to Five Guys!

I forgot my camera.

But I definitely got pictures of Dad singing and bringing out this:

Sweet!

If you didn't notice in the above pictures, my sister Missy came down to hang out with us on our second night!

It was so great to walk the mall and talk with her while we followed around this little bug...

River-I can't believe how BIG she is!!

Porter got to play cars with Isaac most of the time.

And they obviously enjoyed themselves!

After dinner at Five Guys, I got to meet up with my old friend, Chelsea!

Who is pregnant with her first!!!

SO excited for her!

It was great to get to catch up before heading out the next day!

Happy birthday Mom!!!

(Sunday)

I hope you enjoy your shelves!

First Stop

2011-11-10T13:27:00.001-08:00

We stopped for the night in Pendleton.

Don't ever do that.

None of their hotels are over 2 stars.

For good reason.

Do what we should have done, and that's go further to La Grande.

Speaking of La Grande...

Look who we saw as we stopped at Seth's favorite restaurant!

EMMA!

We also saw Jenny and little Andrew, as big Andrew was at work, we didn't get to see him.

It was SO good to catch up!!

And, Jenny, I'm so very glad things are going well and that there's a light at the end of the tunnel for all us struggling students! :)

Makes me happy.

Guess what else makes me happy...

...I finally got a picture of these two hugging!

How stinkin' cute is that!?

Miss you guys!

See Ya Later

2011-11-10T13:03:00.001-08:00

I don't like to say goodbye.

To anyone.

Or, even to anyTHING, really.

I'm quite sentimental.

Yes, I'm kinda going all over the place with this post.

For those of you who don't know how random I am, you just had a small taste.

Anyway...

We got to say "see ya later" to this place:

We'll miss your greenery.

I mean LOOK at that picture again!

Gorgeous.

We'll miss the awesome friends we have who are still there...

Kristina-you and your sweet heart, amazing talent, and great listening ear.

Reagan-we'll miss your sweet firecracker-ness!

Brianne-you and your entire family were our favorite!

Mikelle-you're one of the most amazing people I've met.

And, that's not even everyone we miss!

Wish we could have gotten to say see ya later to everyone.

We had such amazing help before we left--thank you Kim, Corinne, Laura, Brianne and Anna!!

We got out pretty quickly with all the helping hands.

Whomever gets to move into our apartment, you're lucky to have such great company.

(However, you're not so lucky to be living in that complex with the favoritism, prostitutes, drug dealers, late night police visits, weird rules, cats mating outside the back door and on the furniture sitting by the trash all day where the kids will try to play, but I won't go into that.)

Figuratively, this is for everyone we missed seeing before we left...

See ya later!!!

We'll be back for graduation.

Girls' Nite

2011-10-30T15:07:00.000-07:00

Getting together with a bunch of girls in a similar situation as you is a short-lived thing before you get to dive into the real world.

I'm so glad I got to spend my time with these beautiful women for the past few years.

Back-Lisa, Lyndsie, Kristina, Jenny, Karen, Laura, Anna, Debbie, me. Front-Tracy, Brianne, Mikelle

I'm especially glad we got to have one last fling before I leave!

And, what's a girls' night without a bit of fun?

Okay, maybe more like a whole bunch of crazy staying up until 2 AM fun.

Love you girls!

Too Cute

2011-10-30T14:39:00.000-07:00

Really good friends who laugh at nothing with you are hard to find.

Gonna miss this.

Snazzy

2011-10-30T14:31:00.000-07:00

And tired.

Seth spent quite a bit of time working on his letters for his hopeful residency starting this coming May-ish time.

We're totally solid in our plans.

Can you tell?

Anywho...

Seth got his top half all dressed up for a quick picture so he could have one to send with his letters.

Crossing our fingers he gets accepted (to one in particular)!!!

Lay Me Down With These

2011-10-23T15:46:00.000-07:00

Four months ago, we lost our sweet identical twin baby girls.

It has been and continues to be the hardest thing Seth and I have ever had to go through.

There are really no words to describe how much it has changed our lives.

In honor of our sweethearts, I have a few items I would like to share.

First, this necklace...

Legacy Emmanuel Hospital gave me this.

I have the outside parts of the hearts while Jilinda and Alayna have the inside part of the heart.

At first, I wore this every day.

It is my connection to the girls.

Eventually, I realized I couldn't keep wearing it without ruining it, so I put it in an envelope to protect it.

I want to publicly thank Legacy for their amazing care and support.

Second, I want to share this bracelet...

My kind friend, Kristen, quickly put together two tiny bracelets for the girls right before we left to bury them in Casper.

They are beautiful.

She came over with this for me yesterday, and she couldn't have timed it better.

The bracelet matches the girls' bracelets, but the pearls on theirs are lavender instead of white and they don't have letters.

I think the bracelet is gorgeous.

It even has two hearts on the end where it ties.

Where I couldn't wear the necklace daily, I will be able to wear this.

(Perhaps not yet, though, as I'm afraid of losing it in the move)

Thank you, Kristen!!

I love that I am blessed with the opportunity to match my sweethearts when I am put in the ground.

PAVA Halloween Party

2011-10-23T14:36:00.000-07:00

We went to our last PAVA party on Friday.

...Actually kinda wierd to think about...

The whole day before, I was busy making:

See more here

...and putting the finishing touches on:

Don't mind my awkward pose...I seem to have forgottten how to take cute pictures.

Oh, were you curious about Seth?

Well, we recycled one for him...

Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater

He's not really the dressing-up type, but he's a good sport.

Especially when all he as to do is wear a designated shirt.

Our thoughts about the party?

Success!!

Happy Haunting!

...next week.

Pregnancy & Infant Loss

2011-10-16T23:20:00.000-07:00

October is the National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month.

I feel like if I had some sort of awareness of what it was like to lose a child to death, I feel like I would have been more understanding and kinder to those who I know who have lost a child before me.

In my situation, I have had an outpouring of love so great that I have no words to describe how grateful I am.

But, there are times when someone unintentionally says something that they think is helpful when it is something that probably should not have been said.

This is very seldom, but usually when this happens, I bite my tounge.

An article was posted on a support group I am a member of on Facebook.

It describes the feelings of the loss of infant to death in such a beautiful way, that I feel the need to share it on here as well.

If you would like to read it, and are curious about what I am going through go here.

I do not have the talent this lady has with words, but there is one difference with me and what she says--I don't get stumped when I tell Porter why the girls died.

...

October 15th was Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

I love my girls.

I miss them more than I can say.

I think of them daily...often with the help of Porter.

In honor of them on October 15th, I wore a necklace from my friend from choir.

It was a heart with the saying, "A mother holds her child's hand for a moment and their hearts forever."

I love little mementos like that.

...

There is something I feel like I need to repeat...

I have said before that the knowledge I have that I will see my girls again doesn't take the pain away.

It truly doesn't, but I'm better than I feel like I would have been otherwise.

I am still laden with the burden of the loss of my girls, but I have help from a loving Heavenly Father when I need it the most.

...

This coming Saturday marks four months.

I have a different life than I had before--a new normal to adjust to.

This new normal is harder, but just as good as my old normal.

I have a loving husband who supports me and puts up with my emotional rollercoaster life.

I have a handsome little boy who I am a bit more over-protective of, and who I am so extremely blessed to have with me right now.

And, I have the most amazing, understanding friends who haven't left my side--metaphorically speaking--even when I'm extremely emotionally compromised.

I have a beautiful life.

PS: This is my 500th post...kinda crazy.

Went Shooting

2011-10-16T23:00:00.000-07:00

I think we're gonna miss this place:

Well, at least I definitely know of at least one person who will...

Check out those guns...

This time, we brought some friends:

Dawson's taking cheese to a whole new level

The kids even got to pull a trigger a couple times (don't worry the gun was held by a responsible adult)

It was a beautiful day!

Even when we were swarmed with bees...

Good idea, Seth. ;)

Pops

2011-10-09T14:09:00.000-07:00

Pops came to visit this last weekend, and Seth and he got to go to GWECO together.

I could tell they had a blast.

Especially when they decided to go shooting on Saturday instead of going to the conference.

I got to have time to myself and enjoy the weekend with Porter while they were away during the day.

I just wish we got a picture of Pops playing with Porter.

My favorite pic of Seth's parents

"Pops loves me."

Yes he does, and we love him too :)

Thanks for coming!

21 Day Challenge Days 19 through 21 AND Perfect 10 Challenge Days 7 through 10

2011-10-09T13:58:00.000-07:00

This week was the end of the challenges!

I really enjoyed the experience as it has helped me to work with the wardrobe I already have and see that I have quite a few stylish outfits already!

I should shop my closet more.

Here's this week!

This outfit was SO comfortable!

I may wear a maxi dress every day.

Okay, probably not, but still.

I usually only wear heels when I'm going out with Seth, but I seriously love the look of heels with jeans!

Day 21 didn't have a "button" thing, but the idea was "WORK IT" as in--put together a killer outfit and 'work it'...

Since the one ended before the other, I had a day of the Perfect 10 that was completely by its self!

I chose this one with a purpose...

In T-minus 24 days, our family will be moving out to Wyoming.

The land of the cows.

Therefore, I thought the final outfit fitting ;)

The challenges were so much fun that when they were over, I thought it a bit strange that I wasn't going to take a picture of my outfit on days following.

Cute and fun idea.

I still think the Perfect 10 was way better.

(Again, the 21 day one was all on my own.)

"Camping"

2011-10-02T19:23:00.000-07:00

Porter and Seth went camping this weekend...

...in our living room!

Porter has popsickle chin. Nice.

Porter hasn't stopped talking about the "tent" since we took it down.

This may be a new conference tradition!

21 Day Challenge Days 12 through 18 AND Perfect 10 Challenge Days 1 through 6

2011-10-02T19:18:00.000-07:00

That's right.

I decided to do both at the same time.

I mean, it doesn't really matter if I do because with the 21 Day one, I'm not getting anything for it anyway!

Here's this week:

To make it so this pic was more "jazzy" I guess, I added jazz hands...

I'm awesome like that.

Day 13 was the beginning of the Perfect 10 Challenge on Facebook!

I looked through the cards we were given and chose ones that would kinda "go with" the various days in the 21D one.

This is what I came up with...

Because Day 13 was:

I decided to make it even more fun.

I mixed the two cards from the P10!

A fun combo I would probably have never done otherwise.

This was relatively tricky...

I decided I wanted to copy this outfit I saw on Pinterest

It worked out great because of the bonus in the P10.

That outfit was one of my favorites from this week.

...even if I didn't wear it long.

I don't wear skirts on weekdays unless it's a maxi.

And, even then, I don't wear it if I'm cleaning.

Moving on...

This one was fun.

I got to try a side pony with my short hair!

It ended up being rather messy, but I loved it!

I had the perfect outfit for this day...

It's one I'd even worn before...minus the belt.

Love it.

Best part--I'm even wearing my man's belt.

This day was another tricky one.

I had to think of what I've repaired that would go with my (one and only) vintage looking dress.

I found it--my black undershirt!

I realize you've seen an outfit similar, but there's nothing wrong with remixing.

Especially when you practically have to all the time...

Because of the bonus in the "Black Candy" it made today pretty easy.

Statement jewelry!

Gotta say, though, I'm not usually one to wear a bunch of black and gray unless I'm performing...

My black top has diagonal ruffles that you can't see in the picture...total bummer, too cuz it's adorable.

Between the two challenges, Rachelle's is definitely the better one.

I especially love the cue cards because it gives more ideas to go by than just a dot with the theme and a few picture ideas.

Such fun!!

And, a good excuse to actually "try".

You can vote for my outfits and help me win the Perfect 10 Challenge by going to Rachelle's Cents of Style and liking them in the albums Day 1 through Day 6 on Facebook if you haven't already (or missed voting on those various days)

Again, the 21 Day one I am doing completely on my own without any prizes...just for fun.

It just so happened that the two ended up coinciding.

Say Yes

2011-09-25T17:32:00.000-07:00

Daddy, I play shooting game on nor Ipod?

Say 'yes'.

Say 'yes', Daddy.

Thank you for sharing!

21 Day Challenge Days 5 through 11

2011-09-25T17:24:00.000-07:00

Again, this is all on my own...no rewards, just a challenge for me.

Credit mentioned on previous post.

This one was my favorite outfit this week...

My creativity=wear the color least expected.

This weeks challenge was definitely a challenge.

The patterned shirt was from my latest bins trip, and I'm not 100% on it now that I've worn it...I think I need to be thinner.

Yep.

I liked this one...especially since mixing fancy and casual is a pretty typical thing for me.

Honestly...this was not my favorite...I like to mix my colors.

Interestingly enough, I'm wearing two "orphans" in my closet...the hot pink undershirt and the cropped cardi.

Remix #3!

I should wear dresses more...they're really comfy when it's warmer.

There ya go!

Days 12 through 21 are going to have to wait because there's another fashion challenge that's gonna happen this next week where there will actually be a prize, so this is going to have to be put on hold while I do the "perfect ten."

Or maybe I'll combine the two for an extra challenge.

You're probably going to get really tired of my outfits...

For Our Angels

2011-09-18T11:00:00.000-07:00

In natural light so the purple really looks purple instead of that wierd neon blueish color.

More info on the craft blog

And, great news, I fixed the button, so it works!!

21 Day Challenge Days 1 Through 4

2011-09-18T10:30:00.000-07:00

Even though the competition was cancelled, I thought I'd do the challenge all by my lonesome with a pat on the back from myself as a reward.

Besides, who doesn't want a wardrobe challenge?

Especially when their wardrobe is "fat clothes" that are 3 years old...

The cute circle pictures that describe the day are from this version's creator Freckles in April who held a competition not too long ago.

Without further ado...

Day one, I decided to remix my navy and white striped shirt.

You'll see this shirt three more times during the challenge.

I definitely didn't want to tuck in a shirt to show off my horrible belly, so I tucked in my pants!

Smart me.

I really like this outfit...plus I remixed! (#2)

And, today's!

This is fun...

Stay tuned for days 5 through 11 next week.

Sidewalk Chalk Art Festival

2011-09-18T09:35:00.000-07:00

Seth and I have lived here for three years, but have never gone to the Sidewalk Chalk Art Festival, so we decided to go!

Especially since our days are now numbered...

There were so many cute and fun pieces!

Here are a few of our favorites...

This Is The Part...

2011-09-18T09:30:00.001-07:00

"This is the part where you run away."

Seth and I went to see Shrek, the Musical last weekend!

I think it was even the original cast!

The music was great, and they even added to the story!

We loved it!

Thrifts

2011-09-18T09:30:00.000-07:00

Okay, you're probably tired of seeing a bunch of pictures of clothing, but I can't help how excited I get when I go to the bins.

This time was a successful solo trip!

For Seth

Alexander Julian, Gap, Banana Republic

For me, or family...or crafts, heehee

Wet Seal, Fumblin' Foe, Rubbish, Liz Lange, and cute little Porter

Forever 21, two American Eagle, Hurley

Energie, Gap, Calvin Klein, Roxy, Old Navy scarf

Hoodie Buddie (has earphones as strings!), Disney (for Porter), and Gap (size 1 that I can never wear, but got for my super skinny sis)

$1.35 each, and all were in great condition!

Cents of Style Fashion Challenge

2011-09-14T12:28:00.000-07:00

Ever heard of Cents of Style?

If not, go check it out :)

If you like what you see, maybe you'd like to join me in this:

Go here to enter the event on Facebook.

Day one starts tomorrow, the 15th!

If that's hard to read, it says to "remix" one item.

The idea is to remix it three times during the challenge.

For example: a cardigan, a shirt, a skirt, or leggings

Not an accessory like jewelry, scarves or shoes.

And, no remixing jeans.

Easy Peasy!

Would love to have you join me!

I need the the challenge to get more creative with what's in my closet :)

Don't forget to like Cents of Style while you're at it!

Added later:

Sadly, poor Rachelle has had to stop the fun challenge because of a misunderstanding, but I will still go for the challenge on my own because I think it'll be fun.

Stay tuned.

Remember

2011-09-11T15:44:00.000-07:00

It is the tenth anniversary of one of the most devastating days in American History.

Anyone who was alive to witness this day will never forget where they were, what they were doing, or how they felt.

Source

In memory of those brave men and women who sacrificed all they had that day--

In honor of those who fought and continue to fight for our freedom--

In tribute to all Americans who are united in the belief in the fundemental principles of this great nation established by God:

We will never forget.

Ground Zero today:

Source

Done & Done

2011-09-04T16:42:00.000-07:00

Do not pull hair out while Porter ~~practically kicks a hole in his door~~ has a mind of his own...Check

Put every single one of his toys in "time out"...Check.

Have the control to keep those toys from going ~~in the garbage~~ to the nearest Goodwill...Check.

Keep firm and stay calm in your punishments...Check.

Wonder if you have the strength to remain calm during similar times like this when Seth wont be around as backup in Wyoming...Check.

Hope for the best...Check.

Let Porter know you love him unconditionally...Check.

Cry a little while wishing his siblings were here to occupy him in something other than fighting with Mommy (even though it probably wouldn't have made much of a difference)...Check.

Make sure Seth hasn't figured out that you've gone insane...Question mark.

Repeat.

Straight to You

2011-08-28T15:49:00.000-07:00

For our date night, Seth and I went to see...

...JOSH GROBAN!!!!

Seth was so extremely excited that he shouted!

Actually, no he didn't.

In reality, it was more like this...

But, that probably goes without saying.

Josh was travelling with Eric Lewis, or ELEW who was on America's Got Talent.

Source

He's a Jazz/Rock pianist and he was quite entertaining!

After about 10 minutes of him, though, I was getting anxious.

He's not who I came to see, but he did a great job and I really enjoyed his show.

It doesn't change the fact that I came for Josh.

I was SO excited to see him!!!

Not just because he's just so darn good-looking...

Source

...but because his singing gives me chills!!

I have a confession:

I'm one of "those fans" when it comes to Josh.

I literally cried a little when he started singing, I was that excited.

Not kidding.

I am a person I occasionally make fun of!

Interesting realization.

Let me tell you, though, Josh did not disappoint!!!

He's just as incredible as he is on his albums!

If not more incredible!

Didn't think it possible.

Charming personality, great entertainer, and talented guy!

Wasn't expecting this!!

Now I just need to become famous so I can have the chance at an opportunity to sing with him.

Any tips on how to accomplish that?!

Totally serious.

It was an amazing concert!!

Quick Visit

2011-08-28T14:53:00.000-07:00

I had a visit from a good friend from choir!

We sang next to each other at this last concert and would end up chatting through most of rehearsal!

Totally worth the "looks", but we should have gone out for ice cream instead ;).

She's such a sweetheart, and I miss getting to see her every week!

Thanks for coming, Carrie!!!

BF Birthday

2011-08-21T16:57:00.000-07:00

Ezra (current preffered name: Ife) turned 3 last week!

We got to join in the celebration!

And help eat all the cupcakes!

Happy birthday, Ez...er...Ife!

Hannibal

2011-08-21T16:52:00.000-07:00

No, not that Hannibal.

(Just because I'm impressed-- I just googled that name and there are actually a lot of Hannibal things unreated to that movie. And, no I haven't seen it.)

Our friends, Bryce and Sierra, came for a visit to Portland, and we got to go to lunch and hang out for a few hours!

Yes, I realize how much this looks like a family picture...and I realize how much my gut is sticking out.

It had been four years since we last saw them!

We used to hang out quite a bit when we lived in Dallas and Rexburg together.

Both Bryce and Sierra are so much fun to be around!

We had a great time catching up and getting to meet their adorable daughter, Macie.

Love you guys!

Wish we lived closer, again.

Napping

2011-08-21T16:30:00.003-07:00

Shhh...

Baby is sleeping.

25 Items

2011-08-21T16:20:00.000-07:00

All for .48 a piece!!

I know!

Not only was it such a small price, but you wont believe the brands.

Rubbish

Frenchi

Absolutely

Both Target: Liz Lange Maternity & Mossimo

a.n.a, Abercrombie & Fitch, J.Crew, Soprano

O.p.

Gap & Old Navy

Arizona & No Boundaries

Heritage 1981 & Forever 21

A BSU sweatshirt & A sweet pair of rain boots.

And, I found some stuff for Seth!

Mountain Dew shirt, V4RT, & Michael Kors

Plus a cute little broken airplane that Porter picked up.

This was all at my last Bins trip!

Couldn't have done it without a couple friends!

Totally worth the extra loads of laundry this week.

Like I said, I think I'm hooked.

Now, I just want to spread the word about how awesome this place is.

Definitely one place that'll be missed when we move.

Thanks Tracy & Brianne!

Up There

2011-08-14T18:09:00.000-07:00

What happens when I'm blogging for a while...

Porter gets teased.

He was nonchalantly sitting in his drum when Daddy picks him up and sets him atop the fridge.

But he doesn't seem to mind much when he can finally reach things he's not supposed to have!

Silly Seth.

'Aint Helens

2011-08-14T14:16:00.000-07:00

This time with clearer skies...

...and with family!

We got to go to the Johnston Ridge Observatory this time since it wasn't closed because of snow.

We arrived during a small lecture on the history of the mountain.

During that lecture, we learned that Helens has only replaced 4% of itsself in the 31 years since its eruption.

We also learned that the wildlife was not afraid of you.

In the Observatory, we got to watch a movie about the eruption.

While waiting, I noticed the lights...

Can you tell what they are?

If not, here's a closer look.

I know, I take pictures of weird things, but I thought those little St. Helens were cute and clever.

And at the end of the show?

The curtain was raised to a beautiful view.

Seth and Porter on the right

After the show, we went out to enjoy the scenery.

Mount Adams

Fallen trees

We had a great time!

On the way back, we made a stop by Sasquach.

Um, Dad?...You know where you are, right?

Fun day.

(You can hear Porter smacking his lips when he talks even though it's dark. Not sure where he gets that, but I'm going to pay attention to my phone calls...)

Miss you already!!

Thatcher Park

2011-08-14T13:24:00.000-07:00

Most of Friday, we hung out at the park.

Gammie & Porter

It was nice to just relax and enjoy the sunshine.

Grumpa in the middle of saying "burger" to my "cheese"

Mikki looks way better in my aviators than I do.

I love the weather here this summer!

That night, Mikki watched Porter and the adults got to go through the temple.

I felt the presence of my girls with me, and almost didn't want to leave.

It was a wonderful experience.

I even think it was better than usual since I now look at things from an entirely different perspective.

Thanks, Mikki!!

Splints

2011-08-14T13:14:00.000-07:00

This week's runs ended with me experiencing my first shin splints.

Not fun, but I figured I'd just get through it.

My mom, dad, and sister came into town on Wednesday night and we went to Washington Square Thursday.

I had planned on finding some new t-shirts, but looked at the prices and thought to myself, "I can find that at the bins for .60", and didn't end up getting anything I could find there.

I think my old way of shopping has been ruined.

Anyway, while at the mall, I was limping all over the place from my splints.

We got into the Dick's Sporting Goods store to find something for my dad's knee, when I spotted these:

They're called "Sport Recovery Shoes"

And, let me tell you, they work!

The bottom is memory foam and they are so comfy.

The moment I tried them on, my shins felt better!

I think I'll go back and buy another pair.

Officially my new favorite pair of shoes.

Thanks, Mom & Dad!!!

I also found a "cure" for my running rash I get on my thighs!

Maybe a bit too much information for some of you, but, sadly, my thighs rub together no matter what I do or how tiny I am.

Now that I'm not exactly skinny anymore, it's worse, so I definitely need this cure.

It's a pair of spandex Nike Pro shorts that go low enough to keep the friction to a minimum.

My thighs are in heaven.

Sporting goods stores think of everything.

The "Bins" 2

2011-08-14T12:45:00.000-07:00

I made a trip to the "bins" for the second time a couple weeks ago.

This time by myself since I found some time on my hands.

I realized how slow you go digging through those clothes all by yourself!

Finds aren't as much, either, but I thought I did a pretty good job for being alone...

I'll write what I remember of the brands since I ~~am not wanting to dig through the dirty clothes~~ can't find some.

Left to Right: nice shirt for Seth, two Forever 21 shirt/dresses, nice dark chocolate slacks for Seth, Gray Wrangler jeans for Seth, Jones New York sweater (almost a sweater dress), and Target shorts for Porter (he actually has the same ones a size smaller).

Pretty good find for only being there an hour by myself, I'd say.

I think I'm hooked.

Splash Park

2011-08-07T18:30:00.000-07:00

Porter and I have spent quite a bit of time at different parks around town, but we never heard of this one...

...a super fun splash park in Hillsboro!

We went with a few other families.

{Technically, a few other moms and their kids, but that's pretty much the same thing since our husbands are gone all day long, but who pays attention to technicalities}

Little sun-bathing cuties.

The kids had a ton of fun...

...that is, when they weren't crowding around us moms.

I love that picture of Porter and Ezzy...

...and this one too...

We had a great time.

Brianne, Tracy, and Mikelle

{Thanks for putting up with my camera-happiness, ladies}

I'm sure we'll go again!!

Baby Micah

2011-08-07T18:19:00.000-07:00

Porter is great with babies.

He wants to hold them all the time, and even talks about the babies long after he's done.

Meet baby Micah...

...he is the newest addition to Pitts family!

Porter loves to hold him.

Well...

...Seth and I love holding him too!

We're lucky to have such great friends who don't mind us caring for and loving their little ones like they're ours.

It helps that we love the whole family in the first place and feel like they're related anyway.

Micah is such a handsome little boy.

I'm sure my girls knew him and thought so, too.

Congratulations, Scott & Brianne!

Roomie

2011-08-07T18:10:00.000-07:00

Guess who came to Portland...

...my cute roommate from college, Suzanne!

It had been a good five years since we roomed together, and it was really great to just sit and chat for a while.

There were three of us redheads living together that semester at BYU-I.

Made for an interesting and very fun one!

I got to meet her hubby after he took his test, and she got to meet Porter.

It was even their anniversary!

It was so good to see her.

I just wish we could've hung out longer!

Proof

2011-07-31T19:50:00.000-07:00

Proof that we really do have great friends!

And, this is her second bit of goodies she's given us.

You can tell how excited Porter is to eat this thing.

Thank you, Michelle!!

We love you, too!!

Owns It

2011-07-31T19:45:00.001-07:00

That's right.

This road is his.

Oswald West State Park

2011-07-31T19:06:00.000-07:00

We went to a new-to-us beach this last Saturday with a bunch of friends!

We had a GREAT time!

So much of a great time that I only thought of taking pictures on the way back to the car when it was over.

There was about a quarter of a mile hike into and out of the beach.

Beautiful hike, I should say.

With trees so large they have caves...

...and so tall you can't see them completely...

Only bad thing about this hike back was the mosquitos.

Found three bites...only on me.

The bugs weren't all that interested in the boys.

Five hours at the beach with awesome friends is a cure for any emotional distress :)

Um.ber.ella.ella.ella

2011-07-31T18:48:00.000-07:00

Porter's had too many "accidents" lately, so we gave him a goal.

No accidents for a week and you can have something new.

Bribery works well in this household because...

...Porter didn't have an accident and got a Lightning McQueen Umbrella!

He can even open and close it himself!

And, the best part?

There's a Lightning McQueen on the handle.

We're ready for the rain!

Well...not that ready for it.

You get the idea.

Five & a Half Weeks Later

2011-07-31T18:20:00.000-07:00

Wow.

It is hard to believe that six weeks have almost passed since we lost our girls.

Time feels like it has stood still and yet at the same time has flown by.

...

A good way to describe how I'm feeling:

I miss them every day and know I wont be able to see them again in this life, which is hard...Slipped Away by Avril Lavigne.

I can't just give up living because I'm sad because life goes on and I need to enjoy every moment...Climb by Miley Cyrus.

This happened to me because the Lord loves me, and I am grateful for this trial as it is helping me become closer to Him...As Many as I Love, I Rebuke and Chasten Elder D Todd Christofferson.

And, just so you have proof that I am doing "okay"...

...I thought I'd give you a quick look.

I tried to do a more smiley one, but my eyes looked super swollen and squinty, so this is the best I could do. :)

[Although] He doesn’t always remove our burdens, He is always willing to help us carry them.--Ryan E. Kunz

Vehicles & Letters

2011-07-24T17:15:00.000-07:00

My brain isn't working well enough to come up with a clever title today...

We got a Dodge Durango because we needed a bigger car for the girls and for the move in November.

Even though the girls didn't make it, we still need the car.

Therefore, for a while we had three cars.

This isn't a good thing when our complex only gives out one parking permit and the tow company sends someone who is a towing Nazi.

So, Ben was kind enough to take our Camry off our hands.

Oh yah, we have...had I guess now...a Camry!

We loved it.

Saved on gas and helped me feel more independent.

Obviously vehicles aren't my #1 priority in blogging or you would have known about this sooner.

Anywho, so Ben is here!

And, this is the biggest thing that's been happening...

Yep!

That's about it.

Hopefully we will have more exiting things to report next week on Ben's visit.

And Porter?

Well, he's been busy staring out the window wishing he belonged to the families that are outside playing...

...but while he's been wishing, he's been working on his Alphabet.

He still doesn't know it as well as he knows cars.